Psalm 127: Refuge

Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain.

Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain.

In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat- for he grants sleep to those he loves.

Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him.

Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth. 

Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. 

They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate.

I was reading the other night and this is the passage I came across that really stood out to me. With more reading tonight, I saw some more things I'd like to address here. Refuge is a venture that began with such fervor, prayer, and hope. Right now the project has taken so many detours that many people are frustrated, prayerless, and hopeless. I think I found the reason we ran into some trouble. It lies in the first verse of this passage. Unless God builds something, it will fail. It is in vain. All the work we have been doing lately seems to have been in vain, at least that is how some see it. I feel that we are trying to do too much work ourselves and leaving God out of the work. We worry so much about the permit. This stupid permit holds us up so much. I say let God get our permit for us. Talk to Him about it and let Him tell us what to do. It's His place anyway. Isn't it? Do we realize that it is His place? When we leave it to Him, it will get done. Only on His time too, not ours. 

So tonight I was reading a little more and came across the word "refuge" time and time again in the Psalms I was reading. A refuge is a place where God protects His people. How can we be His refuge? We've got to let Him build our refuge and take refuge in it as His people, as God's refugees. That is all we are anyway. Don't take this as me losing hope because I'm not. It's just something to think about. This thing will work, but only if we allow God to do it and make Him the center of it, not ourselves.

On a lighter note, I started some of I Kings today and was reading about the time when Solomon was becoming king and some of his early activities as king. There were a bunch of men who did some bad things to David, so he told Solomon to kind of take them out. So these guys did not follow the ultimatums Solomon gave them, so he told this guy Beneniah to go kill them. I was thinking, is this guy some kind of Bible hitman? If so, that is pretty cool. 

I also loved Psalm 115:3. It says, "Our God is in heaven, He does whatever pleases Him." 

Yeah, our God is that cool. He truly does what he wants. ha.

What happened to Eddie Willers?

Today has been an interesting day. I've been reading the book called Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. I'm sure some of you may have heard of it, but I'm also sure many have never read it. This 1168 page (no, that is not a typo) masterpiece engaged me for the entire time. Rand is a philosopher who likes to convey her ideas by means of the novel, which is not uncommon for her type. I can safely say this is the best novel I have ever read and would wholeheartedly recommend it to anyone who has the time for it. It made an impression on me for a few reasons. First, it begged the question, "Who is John Galt?". To the people of the book, this is just like saying "I don't know". This kept me curious throughout the book, but then I found out its meaning. I will not tell you the meaning, because it could ruin the book, but this question is the focal point of the entire novel. Ask yourself: What would happen if all the movers and shakers of the world disappeared? Would the world go to Hell in a handbasket? Would we regress to the Stone Age? What happens when someone stops the motor of the world? What happens when the lights of New York City are extinguished? Atlas Shrugged explores these possibilities.
Secondly, this novel is a scary parallel to what is going on in our world right now. Rand shows what could happen when everyone in the world becomes so concerned about being "fair" and "equal". No one on this earth is equal to another. Humans were created by God, each for a different purpose. Yes, some humans serve the same purpose, but for a different place and time than others. We are not equal. This is acceptable. If everyone on this earth tried to be equal to one another, we would surely perish.
Now, I must answer the question, "What happened to Eddie Willers?". Willers is a minor character in the novel and at the end of the novel he finds himself stranded in the middle of Arizona, collapsed in the engine of a train. Rand leaves him in the engine of the locomotive and ends the book without resolving his situation. Willers' story is an unfinished one. This is just like our own personal story. What happens to us when we are stranded in Arizona in a broken down diesel locomotive? Do we give up and die? Do we succumb to coyotes? Do we walk to the next town, not knowing where it is, or whether there will be anyone there? Do we fix the locomotive and ride down the tracks? Where will we end up? What will we do? Who will we be?
This is only a proper segue into the next item I feel like I should address. Today in church, Tim talked some about our story and also some about gifting. These both meshed in my mind and I feel I should tell my recent story, with the perspective of my gifts in mind.
I grew up in the Church of Christ. I attended college at Cincinnati Christian University and was looking to spend four years there and move on to a youth ministry position in a church somewhere. This was my goal. During the first two years of my schooling, I attended a church in Kentucky. Things went well there until the pastor started preaching out of a book that all of the congregation was supposed to be reading, but we were not. This lasted not one or two weeks, but at least four weeks from what I can remember. Needless to say, my friends and I left that church. Then one day, we were driving down Glenway Avenue and noticed a billboard by Panera Bread inviting people to come to a church called Vineyard Westside. We talked about how crazy we had heard the Vineyard people are and decided that we would at least check it out since it met in the Danbarry Movie Theater. We went one Sunday and three years later, I'm still here. I grew to love this place. After a few Sundays of being at the church, one of the pastors, Tim, took time to have a meeting with my friend Todd and I. We met up at Panera and just talked. It was a great time and really helped me get connected with the church. One summer, we decided to attend Excavation. Excavation is a program designed to help people find their gifting and then to apply their gifting in an area in the church. It was at this program that I found something that will never leave me. God gave me certain gifts, so that I could use them. I do not have to be someone I am not. I can be who God designed me to be, nothing more, nothing less. This concept blew me away. I was from a culture that told me to pray more, read my Bible more, don't think so much, think more, be everything to everyone. I was done with that and still am done with that. I have learned to accept myself for who I am and nothing else.
After the sermon today, there were two questions looming in my mind. I wrote them down on the inside of a torn up offering envelope in the back of a dark, dingy theater where our students meet every Sunday. I was contemplating the gifting I believe I have been given and this is when the questions popped up. First, I asked, "Why am I a servant and a leader?". Second, I asked "Why am I intellectual and a servant?" As you can see, the servant portion of my gifting is the one I feel clashes. My view of a "servant" of God is that of a brute. A servant is one who is God's strongman, who does whatever needs to be done behind the scenes. Can you see how this may clash with intellect? Tim helped me understand that in order to be a good leader, you must first become a good servant. I love serving people. I thrive on volunteering to help someone move. I love to help someone build something or do yard work. I love getting a call at 7:15am saying, "Can you come play bass this morning, the other guy isn't here yet?". When things like that happen, I'm your guy. I do it because I love it. There is another side to me though. A side that likes to sit back and read books. A side that enjoys watching all those movies that make you think. How does this mesh? You know, I don't know yet, but I'm still finding out. I suck at praying for people. I used to beat myself up over that, but now I know that God made other people to be prayer warriors, not me. I used to worry that I am not compassionate enough towards people who are in the hospital or are injured. I'm not though, because God made other people to do that. God made me for a purpose and whatever that purpose is, I'll find it out and do it. I don't have to worry about being everything to every man. Paul writes that the church is made up of one body, but many parts. I don't have to be the whole body. I can be the butthole of the church and be happy. What would you do without yours? I don't have to be the mouth of the church. I don't have to be the stomach of the church (although I do enjoy a good meal). I can be whatever part of the church God made me to be and be happy with it.
And then I found five dollars. I really did. In the parking lot of my apartment complex, and that's no joke.